My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

-2000Sun22Feb15-

Trying so hard

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, something can always hold you back from moving on, a lingering memory, false hope and you'll fall back if you step. But if you can be strong, you'll finally make it out. 

If the shoes fit...

Some people may feel tired to hear the same story frm u all over again. They'll said, "I've been there before, so I know how does it feel". 

Maybe YES, maybe NOT. What I can say is, u only believe what u see from ur eyes. The truth is, u didn't know what I've been through. U only know how to judge me. 

It's OK. I understand. Said whatever u want bcz ur life, & ur relationship, is PERFECT isn't it ? 

I would really like to see someone try to be in my shoes and try to walk a mile in them. 

>> If the shoes fit, feel free to wear it ;) <<

Enough.

I wonder.

How do you mend something you can't touch? 

How do you mend something you can't reach? 

How do you mend a BROKEN SOUL? 

A BROKEN TRUST? 

A BROKEN HEART? 

At all the same time? 

How can u erase something that have been tattooed permanently in ur heart? 

Is it possible..? 

I QUIT and I'm done dealing with BULLSHIT. 

I need a heart transplant right now. 

#FuckYou

After us.

"Carlie... Carlie..., keep it together, you can do this. Stay with me, Carlie. Carlie..?" - voice

Voice : Carlie, Carlie are you there? You're here now. There's no avoiding it. 
Carlie : Where?
Voice : 1st step. Reminiscing & Retracting it.
Carlie : I don't wanna get up.
Voice : That's fine. You can lay here all day, you can cry all night, you allow to do all the thing you promise yourself you'll never do. 
Carlie: I MISS EVERYTHING BOUT HIM !
Voice : What do you miss ?
Carlie : The way he hugged me, the kisses, we holding hand in front of the crowd... Just make me smile.. I miss it all.
Voice : That's okay. You allow to. You suppose to. 

Full story, watch this video. (Everytime i watch this video, I'll cry and it make me feel better)

I miss the thought of him, I miss the routine, the body, the smell of him, the comfort... At this point, I just miss him..  

I know it's been ages. I'm sitting here. Still struggling, trying so hard to get up, and move on. It's not easy. Some people might say "Be strong Shasha, you'll find someone much more better than him.., you can do so much better or etc" - I really appreciated because I know that I still have friends who loved & cared about me.. You can judge me. You may say anything that you want, but the truth is,  "It's so easy to say things when you never be in that situation." No words can describe how hard I've been through and how i felt. None. 

I'm trying. So hard. And it's not easy... If only there's a pill to help me forget everything about him. 

I don't wanna do this anymore. I wanna be happy, I want my life back. Yeah... I know I can do it... It just a matter of time... Insyaallah.

"Ultimately the path to recovery is not to find someone new for yourself, but to find someone new in yourself" - After Us.

Dear A.F, 

I'm gone. For good.

Sincerly,

Shasha. 

It Hurts

Not once, but TWICE.

Alone.

Love. Is that what I crave?
If it is, then why can't I find it?

Hate. Does that mean anger?
If it does, then why do I feel hollow?

Pain. Does that mean suffering?
If it does, then why does it feel comforting?

Memories. Are they not images of the past?
If they are, why is there only shadows?

Smiles. Does that mean happiness?
If it does, then why does it hurt?

Life. What does it mean?
Should it mean any of these things?
If it doesn't, then why are they there?

#Day44