Life as it is. Often i wonder why i am the chosen one to go through this phase. The kind of phase where you got to hold your breath and not to let go. The kind of feeling where you wanna scream but all you do is keep quiet.....
A test from Allah. The kind of test that I'm in now often confused me. I keep on wonder, what have i done to deserve this test? Why me.....????
Frankly, i don't want this test. I don't want it all. I don't need it. I've been dragged to. And I've no one to blame in the end but myself. I've open up a new book, a new chapter on my new perfect year and you know what, I've been tested since day 1. I'm still wondering why. At times, I feel that it's not fair for me.
But hey, life is never fair to everyone. Can i just turn back time and start all over again..?? since day 1 I've been tested so that i get the chance to protect myself? That's the thing, I CAN'T.
And I've been left here sitting and wondering, holding back.. being very calm hoping i am somewhere else but not here. Anywhere but here. Like in the picture, probably i should be there right now. Wandering alone. Watching every moves and laughters. Hearing the pure sound and noises. Of humans and things. Just sit there. Swollen.
Frankly, i don't want this test. I don't want it all. I don't need it. I've been dragged to. And I've no one to blame in the end but myself. I've open up a new book, a new chapter on my new perfect year and you know what, I've been tested since day 1. I'm still wondering why. At times, I feel that it's not fair for me.
But hey, life is never fair to everyone. Can i just turn back time and start all over again..?? since day 1 I've been tested so that i get the chance to protect myself? That's the thing, I CAN'T.
And I've been left here sitting and wondering, holding back.. being very calm hoping i am somewhere else but not here. Anywhere but here. Like in the picture, probably i should be there right now. Wandering alone. Watching every moves and laughters. Hearing the pure sound and noises. Of humans and things. Just sit there. Swollen.
Wanting to heal badly and continue with the new chapter that I've planned before... I've been put to this test. This test is bearable but i don't need it. Im aware of the feeling but i don't know how to cut this off. It's silly. Its been playing with me and i wont let it win. Well.. Deal with it. Be patient. You just gotta be.
And smile. And love..............
And smile. And love..............
Thank you Allah for this test. Thank you for letting me feel this way. The kind of feeling i never thought i would have. It's not the best feeling in the world but I'm still so glad that i could control it and yet manage to laugh and love.
If this feeling is meant to stay for a while, i would swallow it slowly till its gone. I trust you, Allah. And i know i am not alone.
Love always.
Shasha Jalil
14May2010 - 09Mar2014.
There's no ME & YOU,
There's no US anymore.
Allah knows best. InsyaAllah.....
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