Alone.

Love. Is that what I crave?
If it is, then why can't I find it?

Hate. Does that mean anger?
If it does, then why do I feel hollow?

Pain. Does that mean suffering?
If it does, then why does it feel comforting?

Memories. Are they not images of the past?
If they are, why is there only shadows?

Smiles. Does that mean happiness?
If it does, then why does it hurt?

Life. What does it mean?
Should it mean any of these things?
If it doesn't, then why are they there?

#Day44 

Note.

Motivation! (4 stage Healing Process)

After building a relationship for years, suddenly the situation becomes uncontrollable and ultimately the relationship must end..! Feeling hurt, Surely … The world seems to collapse, Yes … Life feels ended, Perhaps … But don’t despair, time will heal everything.

According to Barbara De Angelis, author of The 100 Most Asked Questions About Love, Sex, and Relationship, there are four stages of the healing process that you have to go through.

Phase 1: Feeling torn
Time: 2 Weeks – 4 Month

At this stage, you may be crying all day, feeling lost, helpless, lonely, loss of appetite, and even feels pain in chest that seems never subsides. This stage is the most difficult time of breakup. You feel the pain will never end. Well, the good news is you are wrong, you will go through it well, even faster. Just do these following things:

- Just cry … don’t bury your sadness, because the longer you internalize it, the longer the pain will end and stay in your heart.
- Make a hectic schedule of activities. Get busy yourself and spend time with friends and family.
- Exercise and eat regularly, keep your body health. When your body fit, in psychologically you will be more stable.
- Avoid seeing or talking to your ex-boyfriend. No matter how much you want to call and hear his voice, don’t do it! The more you meet him, the longer the healing process will last.

Phase 2: Adjustment
Time: 2-6 Months

At this stage, you will be able to talk and think about your ex without feeling hurt and anger. You can think clearly. You no longer feel as a victim and not cry too often or feeling sad anymore. Even if you still cry, the frequency has begun to decrease. You will only be sad when suddenly hearing a memory song between you and him.

You begin to rediscover an independent personality. You can have fun again and find the joy as a single. You could even begin to pay attention to another man who seems interesting. You also can judge clearly what was wrong in your relationship before. Maybe in the end, you feel lucky to escape from the love that blinds your eyes.

Phase 3: Healing
Time: 6 Months – 1 Year

Life has begun to normal again. You’ve been through the transition period. In this phase, you may have opened up and engaged in a new relationship. Even if you haven’t made a new relationship, there’s already a desire to start a new relationship. The problem with the former also has been completed well.
In this stage, the pain has faded. You can take lessons from the last experience. You feel better, even more optimistic about the future. Occasional the memory about the former may be coming. However, it no longer makes you sad.

Phase 4: Recovery
Time: 1 -2 Years

At this stage, you have 100% cleared of a broken heart virus. You have been steadily looking to the better future. You now have a new social environment, new friends, and new love. Yes, you’re ready to love and be loved again. People will no longer ask about your last relationship. The old love story could become a valuable lesson to build a new relationship.

.:: It's been 4 years we've been together... i wish i can be strong enough to MOVE ON ! ::.

I'm only human

(Day 18)

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything

I can do it.............  I'll get through it

I can take so much.......... 'Til I've had enough :(

That feeling.

Dear Diary,

Life as it is. Often i wonder why i am the chosen one to go through this phase. The kind of phase where you got to hold your breath and not to let go. The kind of feeling where you wanna scream but all you do is keep quiet.....

A test from Allah. The kind of test that I'm in now often confused me. I keep on wonder, what have i done to deserve this test? Why me.....????

Frankly, i don't want this test. I don't want it all. I don't need it. I've been dragged to. And I've no one to blame in the end but myself. I've open up a new book, a new chapter on my new perfect year and you know what, I've been tested since day 1. I'm still wondering why. At times, I feel that it's not fair for me.

But hey, life is never fair to everyone. Can i just turn back time and start all over again..?? since day 1 I've been tested so that i get the chance to protect myself? That's the thing, I CAN'T.

And I've been left here sitting and wondering, holding back.. being very calm hoping i am somewhere else but not here. Anywhere but here. Like in the picture, probably i should be there right now. Wandering alone. Watching every moves and laughters. Hearing the pure sound and noises. Of humans and things. Just sit there. Swollen. 

Wanting to heal badly and continue with the new chapter that I've planned before... I've been put to this test. This test is bearable but i don't need it. Im aware of the feeling but i don't know how to cut this off. It's silly. Its been playing with me and i wont let it win. Well.. Deal with it. Be patient. You just gotta be.

And smile. And love..............

Thank you Allah for this test. Thank you for letting me feel this way. The kind of feeling i never thought i would have. It's not the best feeling in the world but I'm still so glad that i could control it and yet manage to laugh and love. 

If this feeling is meant to stay for a while, i would swallow it slowly till its gone. I trust you, Allah. And i know i am not alone.

Love always.

Shasha Jalil

14May2010 - 09Mar2014.

There's no ME & YOU,

There's no US anymore.

Allah knows best. InsyaAllah.....

Letting Go

“You have to let go of what you think is GOOD, in order to get something BETTER, because you'll never know what's BEST for you until it has arrived. Ini adalah pegangan Keknis dalam hidup. Dan inilah benda yang berulangkali Keknis akan bebelkan bila ada kawan-kawan yang putus cinta atau dapat boyfriend tak guna tapi tak sanggup nak berpisah. LOL.

Seriously.

Let's be honest, berapa ramai yang ada cinta pertama pastu perasan yang it is the best thing in the world dan perasan yang omg inikah yang dinamakan jodoh, hati gembira rasa, takde satu yang hodoh. Pastu your next boyfriend gets better and better pastu your husband is the best ever. Okay mungkin belum tahap kahwin maka tak sampai sejauh itu boleh diperbincangkan. Tapi ini pemerhatian Keknis akan sekelilingku.

Kalau dalam perhubungan (atau kerjaya, boleh digunapakai kedua konteks) yang mana kita:
 

1. Sentiasa resah
2. Tak rasa gah
3. Terasa kecil dan direndah-rendahkan
 4. Sering dipersalahkan
5. Tidak harmoni,
6. Yang ada cuma 'cinta'.

Tinggallah. Tak perlu buktikan pada diri sendiri yang itu cinta. Tak perlu buktikan pada sesiapa yang itu cinta. Orang boleh nampak sendiri, and deep down, you yourself know.

Nanti bila dah dapat kebahagiaan yang sebenar baru korang cam LOLOLOL I WAS SO BODOH. Awat aku tak tinggal dia awai-awai? Pastu kawan-kawan sekeliling korang pun cam LOLOLOLOL KAU WERE SO BODOH. Sorry kitorang tak berani cakap sebab orang bodoh takleh tegur, orang bodoh kena biar dia sedar sorang-sorang.

Terlintas nak menulis ini sebab ada dua orang yang paling rapat denganku yang pernah dalam hubungan merosakkan emosi (cemburu melampau, bergaduh perkara paling kecil, saling menghina dan merendahkan) sudahpun melepaskan ikatan yang mereka pikir kuat dan selamanya. They left the abusive relationship and they are glad. Orang yang paling bersyukur akan perpisahan itu adalah diri mereka sendiri. Sebab takde orang paling berpengaruh atau nasihat paling hebat dalam dunia yang mampu membentuk keputusan itu. Hanya tuan empunya diri dan kesedaran akan harga diri.

Let go. Sebab kalau kita sedang genggam tahi, macam mana nak kutip makanan? Buanglah tahi dan cuci tangan bersih-bersih dulu.”

Credit to : Hanis Zalikha

*LearnToWalk*

Some things are better left unsaid.

Date : 10 Oct 2013 | Time : 23:59 hours

The Broken One

We’ve all got secrets and certain feelings that we hold inside....don't we..? Some may be told and others you need to hide even though they eat you up inside and they beg... they beg you to tell someone but you IGNORE them and you think they will go away if you do, but they don't.

 I’ll never tell you how I feel, I’ll just keep it to myself and try to heal it by myself...

Sometime it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is yourself.... No matter how hurt you are or how bad you want to tell someone.. Just DON'T !

You’ve to keep certain feelings to yourself because, you can clearly see that talking about it, is a problem and you’re not going to get your listeners to see things from your viewpoint. So the best thing to do it to keep your mouth shut about it.

 

*Nobody cares, so i keep it all to myself*

N/B: Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, NOT FORGOTTEN. Words hurt more than actions.